Entry Date: Monday, May 23, 2005
Title: Death of a Spouse

From the book: A Handbook for Widowers

Message:

Along with all the feelings that accompany grief, you must also attend to a crude but critically practical matter – your health.

Right now, today, resolve to maintain sensible, healthy eating habits. Start or continue exercising. Not very exciting, I know. You may not feel like doing much of anything. But push yourself to stay physically active. Not only will the exercise tire you in a good way, but you will also find that your emotions and frame of mind suffer less violent swings if you just sit enveloped in your misery. Stick your misery in your pocket, walk with it and air it out, whether in sunshine, rain or snow.

Changes in eating habits can be so varied that I don’t trust generalizing what you should expect. Maybe your appetite has all but disappeared. Maybe you eat only junk and fast foods. Or maybe you have found yourself drinking a lot more alcohol than before your wife died.

Heavy drinking helps nothing, and widowers who slipped into periods of heavy drinking believe doing so prolonged their grief. You have suffered a collapse of the world as you knew it, and that can cause all sorts of changes. Don’t be surprised or dismayed if your food likes and dislikes change or if your body responds differently than it did before her death. Eat wisely, eat well, and pay attention to what your body tells you it needs or doesn’t need. Listening to your body’s needs is a great way to start doing your health a huge favor, and you can do that by yourself.