Entry Date: Tuesday, June 14, 2005
Location: Nova Scotia, Canada
Title: Death of Estranged Spouse

Message:

Where to begin? Guilt, anger, grief. A year after our break up she was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Although she allowed me to help her in any way I could, I couldn't say or do the things that I would have been able to had we been together. To be able to just sit and hold her, to be able to comfort each other, to say I love you. We did hold hands and kiss goodnight when I'd leave her hospital room so we did have that. Guilt over thinking that she should have been in OUR home through her illness so she would have had family close by; so she didn't have to go to an empty apartment after her doctor visits. I've even blamed the stress of our break up with causing herlung cancer. It's only been a little over a month since she past away so I know it is only early yet and with the great support I have from friends and family I am getting through the process. I know life will never be the same but that I can, in time, move forward.